


Painful Memories

by Lilylloid



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Major Spoilers, Memories, Post-Book 6: City of Heavenly Fire, Spoilers, if you haven't read the sixth book, possible canon divergence, remembering, you prolly shouldn't read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 10:35:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14103510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilylloid/pseuds/Lilylloid
Summary: Simon remembers Jordan, and it hurts.





	Painful Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Can’t believe the first thing I write for this fandom is angst, lol.
> 
> Also, please keep in mind that I haven’t read anything other than the six mortal instrument books, so I apologize if anything I wrote isn’t canon compliant with whatever happens in the next series.
> 
> Also also, sorry for the uncreative title. I'm known for those...

Some of his memories come back in dreams. Some of which were vivid, clear, while others were foggy, as if glimpsed through a thick layer of mist.  
He’s been dreaming of a tall silhouette, broad-shouldered. A deep voice, a small reserved laugh.  
He’d wake up feeling his throat constricting, a heavy weight on his rib cage. It’d slowly dissipate, until he’d remember nothing of the dreams.

That night was no different. Though when he opened his eyes, the face didn’t wash away with the haze of the dream, and it had a name.

Jordan.

He had been playing video games with Jordan, while the other was lecturing him about the down world. They’d been on a couch, in a familiar looking apartment.  
Their apartment, he remembered.

He sat up, and glanced at the nightstand, where the pendant laid. The pendant he’d worn every day since their return from what his friends called “Edom”, never questioning where it came from.

Jordan. It was Jordan’s.

For some reason, he remembered the first time he had met him, sliding through a gap inside the garage and signing up to be their singer. It had hung on his neck, back then.  
He reached for it and headed for his bedroom door, ignoring the way his heart twisted in his chest.

For a moment, he got lost in the memories and was surprised to see that what met him beyond the door wasn’t the apartment he had shared with Jordan, but the familiarity of his family home.

He made his way to the kitchen, rubbing at the ache slowly spreading through his chest.  
He though of heartburn, but reminded himself he was a vampire, and he still didn’t know how to eat without upsetting his stomach.  
Absently, he reached out to pour himself a cup of water and found the pendant he had picked earlier, in his hand.

He stared at it, and the image of Magnus handing it to him, back in Alicant, floated before his eyes.  
“He’d have wanted you to have it”, he’d said.

And he remembered. He wasn’t a vampire, not anymore. He was back to just being Simon Lewis again.

He felt the prickle of tears at the corner of his eyes, but he shook his head. It couldn’t be, Jordan was fine. He had just been playing video games with him.  
He sat down, carefully passing the pendant over his neck, where it lay heavily for a second, before he scooped it in both his hands and stared as it through blurry eyes, as his vision swam with tears.

Why was he crying, he thought angrily to himself, Jordan was fine!  
He had just remembered him. He couldn’t be gone so quickly. He couldn’t.

Even as he thought that, he pressed his hands, still cupped around the pendant, to his forehead and let the tears come.

He wished, for a moment, that he didn’t remember, that he’d have forgotten about this part of his memories. Just before the guilt settled alongside the pain.  
He deserved better than that. Deserved to be remembered, however painful it was.

He finally understood why Maia would sometimes look at the pendant with sad eyes, that she’d always try to hide whenever he’d ask her about it.

He had just found Jordan, but Jordan was long gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for Jordan, because he deserved better. Sure, he did some pretty messed up things, but he was fighting against a beast, alone. And he became better. Shouldered the burden of his mistakes and became a better person, helping people to not take the path he had taken. 
> 
> He was a good character and deserves to be remembered for that, not only for what he did before.
> 
> So, I made Simon remember him, because Simon was the first person to acknowledge his change, and to understand where he came from, and to genuinely care for him as a friend. Plus, he never really got the chance to grieve for him properly, though now I’ve made him lose him twice.  
> Cruel, lily, cruel.
> 
> Anyway, I can’t remember if it was really Magnus who gave him the pendant, or if it was Luke? I was too busy trying not to cry. Sorry if I got it wrong! 
> 
> Thanks for reading and have a nice day!


End file.
